Not Enough
by Arianwen P.F. Everett
Summary: When an unexpected arrival upends Regina's life, she knows she must do what is right, even if it means loosing everything she's managed to rebuild since the curse broke. Takes place a year and a half after 'Selfless, Brave, and True' and makes a lot of assumptions about the future.
1. Chapter 1

Not Enough

By Arianwen P.F. Everett

Regina sighed wearily before massaging the bridge of her nose to fight the tension headache that was threatening. "I'm not giving him another feeding! I tried it this morning; it didn't work. No matter how many times I humor you and hold him, I don't seem to be able to bond with him. Now sign the damn papers so we can get him home to his_ real_ mother who will give him all the love he deserves!"

Regina couldn't believe this was happening, although she shouldn't have been so surprised. It was the only possible outcome to her having carved out a tiny sliver of happiness for herself. Some part of her should have known something would eventually come along to destroy it utterly. The fact that that something had turned out to be a six pound two ounce baby boy was the only bizarre detail.

From the moment that insufferable fairy nurse had laid his slimy body on her chest, every look or movement the neonate made felt like an insult to her dignity. Regina had recognized the feeling immediately. It was the exact same rage she'd experienced with Snow in those early days at the palace before her farce of a wedding. But Snow hadn't been innocent. She'd selfishly broken her promise and gotten Regina's one chance at true happiness lost to her forever just so she could have a new step mother and be taken care. This baby's only crime had been its existence and the fact that through all the months he'd grown inside of her, he'd never given his birthmother the slightest hint he was there. Then eight hours before his emergence into the world, Regina had felt a sudden, sharp spasm and her soothing bathwater had started turning a pale red.

For a little over a day before that bath she'd experienced intermittent cramping, but the following hours of panic, despair, pain, and confusion had completely torn apart any sense of equanimity she'd gained during the past year and a half. She'd worked so hard to win back Henry's love, to build a healthy relationship with Jacob, to mourn her mother without giving into the temptation to wreak vengeance despite the fact that once again Snow White would be lauded by the people for her goodness and there would be no justice for her mother, just as there had been none for Daniel. She now realized it had been all for nothing.

Henry didn't understand her desire to give the baby up for adoption and had left the hospital a huff this afternoon after failing to convince her to keep it. She couldn't sleep without waking to a howling infant due to Jacob or one of the nurses wheeling his bassinette into the room while she slept in their twisted conspiracy to jumpstart her maternal instincts, and everybody in Storybrooke now knew of the baby, so whatever good will she'd earned after the whole Greg and Tamara affaire would be lost once the baby went to its true home and the town watched his father and brother mourn the loss.

They would all rally around Jacob and Henry, and Regina didn't begrudge them the community's support, but she knew the citizenry of Storybrooke would use the opportunity to make her the villain once more. Everything was coming undone again and the only means she had of stopping it would be to condemn that baby to be raised by a mother incapable of loving him or to abandon Henry and leave Storybrooke forever so that Jacob could raise the child by himself and never have to explain who she was when they passed on the street. Regina didn't have the heart to do either, so she'd just have to suck it up, give the baby to someone in the outside world who could love him as much as she loved Henry, and then return to town, bearing the scorn for _true _son's sake. That was the only realistic option open to her, so it would be the path she'd take.

"Regina, I can't sign those papers; I can't sign away our son and I can't understand how you could either!" Jacob begged, running a hand through his ash blonde hair in frustration.

"Jake, I know this is difficult for you, but you have to think about what's best for the baby! He needs a family that loves him!" Regina answered, refusing to budge but wanting him to understand what her father had taught her heart; when you love a child, the child comes first no matter how painful your life becomes because of it.

"He could have that with us, if you'd just give him the chance!" Jacob shot back, hurt pooling in his caramel eyes.

"You mean if I'd just give you the chance. I'm sorry, but there is no 'us', Jake. I care about you, you know that, but I told you from the beginning that we weren't one another's' happy ending. My true love is dead; he's gone forever. You haven't yet found your true love but I know she has to be out there, and it's because I care about you that I don't want you tied down to me. You don't belong to me, Jake. That baby was a biological accident, but none-the-less he deserves his chance to grow up and find his own happy ending. Our signing these papers will give him that chance," Regina tried to explain. While her heart had learned unconditional parental love from her father, it had also learned to speak up for itself and assert its own needs from Cora. Her parents, through their deeds if not their words, had taught her the true meaning of strength.

Jacob walked over to the bassinette and picked up his son, holding him lovingly to his heart. "I know you think what you're doing is right, but I just don't know if I can let him go. To me he's no accident; he's my son, and we're going for a walk to the nursery where I can get him a fresh bottle. I'm sure the one they gave you for his next feeding is already cold."

Regina sighed but nodded, watching Jacob leave the room with the baby. A part of her wanted to believe in Jake, to throw herself into this pretty fiction for his sake, but nobody would come out a winner there. She'd go through the motions and grow to hate Jake and the baby with each passing day. She knew how that story ended and she also knew there was a woman out there, like herself, who just wanted her son to come home. Regina would fight for her happy ending as well. She would bring that woman her son one way or another. Jake and Henry would just have to learn to live with it.


	2. Chapter 2

Not Enough: Part 2

By Arianwen P.F. Everett

The smell of the ocean and the crashing of the waves upon Maine's rocky shoreline helped to clear Regina's thoughts. Yes the winters could be brutal, but no less so than in some parts of Enchanted Forest, and there was a beauty in this world that her homeland had sorely lacked. It was the beauty of free will. Here people had real choices, at least until Rumplestiltskin had brought magic. Henry had been right; magic ruined everything. Yet no matter how desperately she wished to fix that problem for her son, it was beyond her abilities. Henry's request was like a child of this world asking their mother to single handedly stop global warming. As much as any parent might wish they could, the power to do so was beyond even the Dark one or the combined magics of the fairies.

She had let him down then and she was letting him down now. As soon as Jacob had left the room with the infant she'd birthed yesterday morning, she'd magiced herself a loose fitting pantsuit and flats, and then brought herself to the coastline where she knew nobody would look. She needed a few hours to organize her thoughts and the tiresome procedures of checking out of the hospital would only give those like Jacob who sought to saddle her with the responsibilities of a newborn time to catch her. Right now she needed space and this rock face fit the bill nicely.

"I sincerely hope you didn't toss the wee one into the waves already. Something tells me our dear sheriff still clings to this world's sensibilities enough to arrest you for infanticide," a familiar accented voice broke Regina out of her contemplation.

"It's safe and sound, back at the hospital with Jake," Regina answered simply, her voice monotone and devoid of its usual emotion.

"It… the first time we were formally introduced, you called me an 'it'. I'd have thought that all those years as a politician would have cured you of your pronoun confusion, apparently not," Rumplestiltskin commented, keeping up the banter in order to draw his companion out. As much history as there was between them, he had to be here. He didn't know why, and he could no longer see the future from this realm, but his centuries of finely honed instincts had insisted he find her and his preternatural senses had done the job as nicely as they always had since he'd become the Dark One.

"Your expectations aside, your services aren't required here. I've already contacted a well-recommended family law attorney in Augusta. She's scouring the agencies for potential candidates based on the criteria I selected. Hopefully by the middle of next week, all the paperwork will be in order and the baby can be in the arms of his loving and grateful adoptive mother. You should have written the curse to give you a less shoddy legal education, considering how your work on Henry's adoption fell apart so easily," Regina returned, hoping the blatant insult and the knowledge that this was one baby the imp wasn't going to deal in would be enough to send him on his way.

"I wrote the curse to be broken; my legal skills were just what they were meant to be. However, I'm surprised at your desire to be rid of this child. I'd have thought you'd relish the opportunity to be a mother again. What was it you told a young Snow White once about getting back on a horse?" Rumplestiltskin asked, knowing full well his arrow had hit far deeper than her previous barb.

"No matter what Henry does or where he goes in life, I'm still his mother! As for the infant, you of all people should know that children aren't interchangeable. Each is unique; admittedly, my Henry more than most," Regina replied, a proud smile playing across her lips at the mere thought of her boy.

"You feel loving your new son would make you disloyal to Henry…" Rumplestiltskin surmised, remembering his vow to never love again until he had Bae back. He'd never anticipated Belle coming into his life, but as he'd stood in that clearing so long ago, fuming at the Blue Fairy, he'd meant every word.

"I don't feel anything. That's the problem. Last night in the hospital bathroom, I ripped my heart out just to ensure that it was still there, secure and alive inside my chest. It was. It still is, and yet when I look at that… person, I feel nothing. Without her heart, my mother didn't know how to love me like I needed, but at least she tried as best she could. That baby… he's not… enough. I don't even feel enough concern to try to love him. At the very least, every child deserves a mother whose willing to try, and I can't be that," Regina confessed, the well of sorrow inside her nearly overflowing with each word.

"You're still trying for Henry, or has your present state of maudlin made you give up on him as well?" Rumplestiltskin questioned, a bit of the imp back in his personality. He knew the reaction he'd get and he craved it. Anything was better than this lifeless automaton.

"I will never give up on my son! Henry is everything to me!" Regina wailed, the rage at the immortal being before her overtaking her senses.

"Everything? What about the candlestick-maker, Jacob, or 'Jake' as I believe you call him? He's your lover and the baby's father after all; doesn't he get a say in any of this?" Rumplestiltskin returned, not letting up for a moment.

"Jake thinks with his heart! He doesn't see the damage growing up here will do to that baby because he wants to keep him! I may not love the child, but that gives me the objectivity to discern the difference between what's best for me and what's best for him, and Jake and I raising him in this town is definitely not in that child's best interests!" Regina explained dejectedly.

If circumstances had been different, this baby would be a new start and a reason to celebrate, but they weren't and would never be. When Daniel had collapsed to dust at Storybrooke's stables, Regina had finally understood that her life had truly ended with his. Everything she had done since that night so long ago had been a desperate attempt to deny the truth; life without your true love could never be called living. It was merely waiting for death. She clung to Henry because he still lived; he still had a chance for a full and prosperous future, and she desperately wanted to be part of that future if she was forced to continue existing. She needed him, but she couldn't blame him for not wanting to live in the same house with a walking corpse.

Nodding with acceptance that her mind was made up, Rumplestiltskin chose to drop one more piece of the puzzle on his longtime student and adversary. "Well, good luck trying to convince your candlestick maker of that. He came into my shop to buy you a birthday gift last week but his eyes kept wandering to the ring case. I left the room for a moment and he went straight to examine the diamonds."

"Fabulous! Now I not only have to steal his child but break his heart as well! Do you need something or did you just come here to mock me?!" Regina turned on her companion and started up the steep rocks in order to escape to the solitude of her Mercedes. She may have used magic to leave the hospital but she'd driven from her home to the shore and now she was glad she'd have the drive back to sort this new information out.

Rumplestiltskin remained and watched the water.


	3. Chapter 3

Not Enough: Part 3

By Arianwen P.F. Everett

Upon returning to her home, Regina collapsed onto her couch and pulled out her tablet, pleasantly surprised to discover that her attorney had already located four candidates to adopt the baby. Just as she started sifting through all the information, a sudden knocking at the front door startled her. Sighing, she put down the tablet, ready to do battle with whoever was on the other side.

"Regina! Boy, am I glad to have found you? After you left the hospital without telling anyone, well, everyone's been worried sick trying to find you!" Archie puffed, trying to express his relief.

"Why, did Jake's hands fall off rendering him unable to hold a bottle?" Regina asked, sarcasm dripping from lips like bitter honey.

Archie sighed at the defensive posture his sometime patient held and decided to try another approach. "Regina… I know these last few days have been quite a shock.."

"I wish they had been, but no, deep down I knew something would eventually come along and ruin everything I've been working for these past few years. The birth was a shock. The outcome was expected," Regina explained wearily. She was tired, so tired. All she wanted was to take a nap, to rest before heading back to the hospital and all the accusations.

"And you think by putting the baby up for adoption everything will return to what it was before you went into labor?" Archie questioned, trying to get her to talk to him. While this wasn't a session, he knew he couldn't force her back to the hospital. Even Whale's concerns about the slight elevation in her blood pressure and the danger that could present would likely be ineffective. The woman was stubborn. It was a trait that had imbued her with the strength to survive her nightmare of a life before the curse and the pain of her son's abandonment of her afterwards, but it also possessed an equal downside as well.

"Unfortunately the damage is already done and irreversible. The adoption will merely limit the chaos and give me room to pick up the pieces moving forward. Tomorrow is another day and all that," Regina replied dryly.

"Regina, how do you feel about the baby… not the birth or Jacob or anything that followed, just the baby himself?" Archie asked gently and precisely, knowing he had to tread with care. Her resentment of the child's intrusion was very clear, but Archie was worried that she wasn't looking clearly at the situation and would end up regretting her decision.

"He's a baby. He's cute. He's loud. There's nothing wrong with him per se. He just doesn't strike me as anything special, certainly nothing that I'd be willing to invest the next two decades of my life protecting and raising. But the thing is, I know in my gut that there's somebody out there who will find him more than worthy, somebody who will see him as the best thing that ever happened to her, and I want the two of them to be together! I don't see why that's so wrong," Regina defended, her face lightening as she thought about how Henry made her feel every time he hugged her or called her mom.

"Wanting the happiness of others is never wrong, Regina. But did it ever occur to you that perhaps Jake is the person you've just described, the somebody who will love that baby as you want him loved?" Archie offered, looking at Regina earnestly.

"Look, I don't doubt that Jake could love the baby enough. He's a wonderful man and he'd make a great father. If it were possible for Jake to leave Storybrooke, I'd offer him a generous child support package and maybe even buy him and the baby a home of their own if I could manage it without cutting too deeply into Henry's inheritance. But Jake's brothers and sister are here and they need him whole, so he won't leave. Growing up in this town would cause that child nothing but pain; that I can't allow," Regina insisted, her eyes darkening with determination.

"You raised Henry in Storybrooke and he turned out fine," Archie argued, not understanding how raising the baby in Storybrooke would damage him.

"The curse allowed Henry to grow up free from magic. And as much as Henry reveres his fairytale-heroes-come-to-life, my boy's smart enough to have already figured out that magic ruins everything. That's why he wanted to blow up the well a few years back. He wanted the magic gone, begged me to end it, but I couldn't. Once magic saturates a place, it can't be taken back," Regina sighed, her ever present worry over Henry's future temporarily displacing her more recent troubles for a moment.

"So you fear that magic will corrupt the baby as he grows up?" Archie asked, believing he now understood his patient's plight.

"Yes. My magic is inherently strong, as was my mothers. I've already sensed his magic when I tried to feed him last night and again this morning. At the moment he has less control over it than he does his fingers and toes, but in time I'm sure Rumple will be happy to instruct him just like he taught my mother and myself," Regina chuckled at the look of dread on the therapist's face. At least he was starting to understand.

"You don't think you could help him be better even with magic?" Archie queried, confused by the woman's confidence that Rumplestiltskin would turn her child into a monster and the lack of concern the idea engendered.

"If I cared to do so, of course I could, but I don't. I'm merely explaining why allowing Jake to raise the baby by himself, or at least with his siblings, would make everyone feel good at the moment but ultimately be a bad idea. They can't protect him from magic the way I can and I have no desire to take on that responsibility for a child I don't even love. Raising a child, particularly in the first two years, is really hard! Everyone forgets that I've been through it before and I'm not willing to do it again, at least not for Jake's child. Anyway, I have to return to the hospital. I promised to do so in the note I left, and the fact that you're here means that despite my missive the idiots have everyone on the look out. They've probably gotten Henry upset and I can't bear the thought of him worrying about me," Regina explained as she stood up with a slight wince, her body not yet healed from the birth the day before.

Helping her put on her coat, Archie considered his next words. He didn't know exactly what to say. He feared she was suffering from postpartum depression and if she went through with the adoption, she'd end up regretting it. But he couldn't force her to take the baby home. If there was one thing he knew about Regina she would not suffer anyone who tried to control her. "As a favor, I'd like to ask you to speak with Dr. Whale and endure one more exam before you leave the hospital."

"Why? I already told…"

"I know. I know. But I think you might be suffering from postpartum depression and I'd like to ensure that's not the case. Whale can do the test from your hospital bed. It's just a survey and a few questions…"

"Oh for god's sake, I'm not depressed! If anything, I'm numb. All the pain I usually feel from day to day is gone and without having to resort to magic! I haven't felt this proactive and in control since that blonde tramp came to town, stole my son, and broke my curse!" Regina shouted, rolling her eyes at the way the redheaded therapist hedged his accusations.

"Regina, listen to me; feeling 'numb' is a sign of postpartum depression. So is wanting to avoid the responsibility of motherhood by giving the baby away. So is resentment towards the baby's father. So is having trouble bonding with the infant. Regina, I know you'd prefer to be numb, considering all the pain you've dealt with in your life, but if this is postpartum depression, the numbness won't last. Your brain chemistry will eventually go back to normal and you'll have the added burden of having given away your baby. You're showing far too many symptoms to merely write it off without an examination," Archie Hopper insisted, standing up with the weight of his profession behind him.

Regina ran a hand through her hair and took a deep breath. "Just hypothetically, if I were to have postpartum depression, what would treatment look like?"

"We usually start with anti-anxiety medication and antidepressants, followed up with both weekly therapy sessions and monitoring at well baby check ups. In short, Whale and I would have to coordinate treatment," Archie detailed, wanting to be completely upfront with his patient, unlike so many trusted advisors before him.

"Whoa, wait a minute! There are not going to be any well baby visits, at least not with me. I have an old family retainer from our land who's still willing to work for me from time to time and I've already arranged for her to move into my guest room and keep the baby out of my way while I search for the right adoptive family. I need to sleep well and put all my energy into the search and to be honest, I don't want to risk getting too attached," Regina explained, keeping her voice firm.

"One of the goals of this therapy is to get you attached, to get you to connect to the baby. Regina, you gave birth to another human being! You can't just run from that! Even if you do choose to give him up in the end, you have to make peace with him and your decision or else it will haunt you for the rest of your life!" Archie implored, needing his patient to see the hard work ahead.

Regina opened her front door and led the two outside into the dwindling sunlight. "You know as well as I do, I'm already haunted for the rest of my life. I tried letting go of Daniel but it didn't take. I may no longer have hope that we'll be reunited in this life, but he's still the only man I could ever love. There's no room for in my heart for this baby because he isn't Daniel's and will never be. The only peace I can make with him is in giving him a loving home away from the perversion of magic. That's what Daniel would want me to do."

As he climbed into the passenger's seat of Regina's Mercedes, Archibald Hopper sat stunned, not at her final words but at the hopelessness in her voice. While he knew that if Whale concurred with his diagnosis she'd be in treatment soon, all his hopes for a positive resolution for everyone vanished.

He'd spoken with Jake and Henry at the hospital when they and Emma had asked his help in searching for Regina and from the body language of the man as clung to his newborn son, Archie had no doubt he was bonding strongly, as was Henry from the way his index finger stroked the infant's tiny feet in an attempt to calm his own nerves by projecting his distress onto his 'brother' who merely slept peacefully in his father's arms. While she might acquiesce to treatment for the sake of her own health, there was no way she was going to break down and keep the baby. Her reasoning didn't stem from recent hormones but long term pain. That couldn't be dealt with quickly enough to effect the outcome. Either Jacob was going to be talked into breaking his own heart, or a battle of wills was brewing, one that would indeed rip Regina's life apart.


	4. Chapter 4

Not Enough: Part 4

By Arianwen P.F. Everett

When Regina arrived at the hospital she was pleasantly surprised that Dr. Hopper accompanied her inside. She'd been sure he was just riding with her in order to ensure her safety behind the wheel, considering what her body had been through in the past to days, and would skip off home after the automatic doors closed behind her and she was back in Whale's domain. Instead, he walked her to the nurses' station where Emma, her idiot parents, Dr. Whale, two Fairies, and Henry were all in conference.

She was blessed a second time that hour when her son noticed her arrival before the others and took off towards her at full speed, enveloping her into one of his cherished bear hugs. "Mom, I so glad you're safe! I was so worried about you!"

"Why? I left a note. I said I was coming back before nightfall," Regina soothed, gently stroking her son's hair. Henry's hug made her abdominal muscles scream in pain, but if it meant she could hold her little boy, she'd allow herself to be set on fire rather than let go. The pain was well worth it.

"But Emma said you left the hospital without Dr. Whale's permission, that you could have been in danger the way David was when he came out of his coma before the curse broke!" Henry insisted, needing to explain his fear so that she never scared him like this again.

"Well Emma should have had the common sense not to worry you unnecessarily. If you're going to steal my son, Miss Swan, at least attempt not to scare him without cause while he's in your keeping," Regina attacked as soon as Emma reached earshot.

"Says the woman who abandoned her newborn to take a joyride," the blonde sheriff shot back.

"How is it abandonment when I left him in the arms of his father, in the middle of a public hospital? I needed some space to organize my thoughts so I left a note and returned just as I'd promised. Henry is still too young to be your deputy, even if he is intellectually better suited for the role than your current underling. So I would appreciate it if your family would pretend to be responsible adults and keep him away from your hazardous occupation," Regina continued, refusing to back down. She'd been preparing for this battle all day.

"Mom, I'm okay, really. We're all fine and safe. You came back for Paul and I and that's what matter," Henry finished, stepping between both his mothers before things could escalate.

"Paul, who's… the baby… Jake named the baby, didn't he?" Regina deduced with a sigh. This was bad, very bad.

"Yes, I named our baby. I figured if Henry was named after your father, Paul should be named after mine," Jacob explained as he arrived in the corridor, the infant in question once again resting on his shoulder like a new accessory to his workman's shirt.

"And I'm guessing you had the name added to the birth certificate as well?" Regina surmised, hoping she was wrong but knowing it was unlikely. She might need Rumple after all to get that undone if she wanted the baby to be legally adoptable and Jake remained unwilling to sign the forms. She couldn't let her guard down again; Jake was too clever. He was, after all, the only one of his siblings who had figured out that they could modify his brother's mixing vat to sail out and rescue their father when his fishing boat hadn't returned and they couldn't afford another boat to search. Thankfully, after nearly three days they located and saved the old salt, still clinging to the remains of his wrecked vessel, his final canteen nearly empty of potable water. And for all the danger and heroism he and his brothers had faced in those three days, in this world their tale was reduced to amusing toddlers in bathtubs, their names discarded in favor of their professions, butcher, baker, and candlestick-maker. History was never fair.

"Ofcourse. He couldn't go around with 'Baby Boy Mills' the rest of his life. The other kids would beat him up. These nurses were kind enough to pull some strings in the lab and got a rush on the paternity test I ordered last night when you told me you intended to put him up for adoption. I knew I couldn't let you do that and the only way to stop it was to prove I had as much legal right to Paul as you do. Once I had that proof I was able to name him, although I still can't give him my surname. They said only you could give permission for that," Jake explained, allowing Regina to understand his devotion to the baby.

"I won't and all you've accomplished with this melodramatic gesture is to demolish the last vestige of hope I had for our remaining together after this fiasco. I want your stuff out of my house by the end of the week; we're through. As for the baby, he'll be staying in a crib I'm setting up in the guest room until I can find him a good home. Now, please take the infant back to the nursery. Dr. Hopper has suggested that I need to speak with Dr. Whale and undergo a few more tests," Regina commanded before taking three steps towards Whale.

Enraged at the cold brush off, Jake stepped in front of his lover and forced her to take a half step backwards. "No, no no… you don't get to cut me and our baby out of your life just like that!"

"Yes, I do! I have to. Look Jake, you're a wonderful man. You're fun, you tell great stories, you're sexy as sin, and you have many other fine qualities that are too numerous to go into right now. You made my sadness lessen from time to time and I needed that. I thought I was being clear when I told you I wanted you to go out and find your true love and not stay tied down to me. I never wanted to hurt you, and if I did, I'm sorry. However, I'm not going to waste the next two decades of my life with you and that baby. Neither of you could make me happy in the long run, and you both deserve more than I'm willing to give," Regina insisted, taking another step towards Whale, only to brought up short again, this time by her son.

"Don't do this, Mom! You and Jake have a baby together! That's supposed to be your happy ending! Don't walk away from it!" Henry shouted, completely confused. At thirteen he knew how babies were made, that it was a biological process of egg and sperm, but he was part of a fairytale world. His mother had redeemed herself. She was supposed to get a happy ending. Paul was supposed to get a happy ending with his parents and his big brother. That was the way things were supposed to go.

"Henry, not every two people who have a baby together get a happy ending with each other," Emma broke in, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder.

Regina placed a hand under her son's chin and made him meet her eyes. "Sweetheart, the man who was my happy ending, who I was supposed to have babies with, died a long time ago. Jake isn't my happy ending and neither is his child. But just because this baby isn't mine doesn't mean he can't have a happy ending all his own. You can even help. I have a lawyer outside Storybrooke who is already sending me lists of women who want to adopt him and I'd appreciate it very much if you were to go through the list with me and help me pick out the best one. If you like, you can attend the interviews and ask them as many questions as you need to in order to make sure he goes to the very best home. I know this is going to be difficult for you, but you have me and Emma and everyone who loves you. We're all going to be fine and stronger for it. I promise."

Deflated, Henry did the only thing he could do, he clung to his mother and wept for the brother he'd soon give away, while Regina return the embrace and the tears for the sadness destiny had visited upon her little boy, who she had so often prayed would never know sorrow.


	5. Chapter 5

Not Enough: Part 5

By Arianwen P.F. Everett

Regina felt upbeat as she walked from her car to Granny's. She was meeting Henry to go over his questions for the five women they had narrowed their list down to. She also needed to confirm her catering order with Granny. When she first spoke with her attorney, Regina had insisted that the women be single, have a good work ethic, and significant financial resources, but as her mother always said, 'Gold makes you wealthy, but demonstrating style and grace, that's the true mark of a lady.' A small spread of food and drink would be an excellent test of these women. Cora's biological grandchild would be raised by a true lady and would never want for anything. She would honor her mother that way. She just hoped she and Henry would agree on the final selection.

"Miss Lucas, are the platters ready?" Regina asked, the werewolf waitress having approached the edge of the counter the moment Regina walked in.

"Yep. Just give me a minute to get them packed up for you," the younger woman answered, heading back into the kitchen.

Seating herself at the counter to wait for her order, Regina could only sigh when Sheriff Swan entered the diner and stalked straight up to her. "You're breaking Henry's heart. You know that, right?"

"Miss Swan, I'm doing the best I can under very delicate circumstances. And need I remind you that it was Jake who gave Henry false hope about the baby. That's why I've removed him from my life as of last night when he came by to collect the last of his possessions. I wanted to keep it all quiet, to keep Henry far away from this mess, but Jake was the one who put him center stage. Now we both have to deal with Henry's disappointment," Regina replied, fighting her anger with the man who had dragged her sensitive son's heart into all this in his desperate attempt to fight for a baby he'd not even known existed a week ago.

"Yeah, well, he loves his kid," Emma defended. She couldn't help feeling compassion when it came to a man who'd do anything for his child, even if a part of her knew Regina was right and he'd tried to use Henry to manipulate Regina's emotions to his own ends.

"He loves the _idea_ of his kid, Miss Swan. He loves the idea of a family of his own. Someday he'll have a child with a woman who wants to make a home with him and he'll be a great dad. Today he's just a guy who's been crushed by the cruelty of existence. Believe me, I know the feeling," Regina corrected, her mood falling even further as she remembered the pain in Jake's eyes last night as he loaded the large gym bag filled with his belongings into his van. He'd seemed so lost that she'd wanted to hug him, but she knew that impulse resided in the past. He was no longer a cherished friend but a scored lover and holding him to her in comfort would send the wrong message. Regina had always hoped that when they eventually broke up she and Jake would remain friends. That was obviously not what fate had in store for her. No matter, she'd lived friendless most of her life and she knew the script by heart.

"No, he loves his _actual_ kid. That baby isn't some imaginary thing; he's Jake's son and he has a right to raise him. I'm the Sheriff; I have to uphold the law!" Emma stated firmly, allowing Regina to understand this wasn't a social visit. Jake was making a legal claim to his baby.

All of a sudden Regina let out a deep, bitter chuckle before turning savagely on Emma and drawing the full attention of diner patrons. "If you gave a _damn_ about the laws of this realm, _Sheriff_, you'd return Henry to my home and remain at least 500 feet away from him at all times! While Jake has a paternity test and a birth certificate, those are only the tools he'd need get a judge to listen to his plea for custody, in Augusta, miles and miles over the town line, which, for him, might as well be the moon! I have a legal adoption decree, I put in over 10 years of hard work to raise that child into a strong and healthy boy while you were off tracking down your fellow deadbeats, and yet you still keep my son from me! So don't you _dare_ go spouting such hypocritical drivel about your charge as Sheriff! Until you stop cherry picking the laws you'll obey and those you'll ignore, I don't recognize your authority in these matters!"

"I'm doing what I have to do to protect Henry!" Emma shot back, not taking this from Regina today.

"Protect Henry? You're the one who told your parents that when it came to me there was one certainty in life and that was my willingness to protect Henry at all costs! And yet, you haven't moved an inch on permanently reuniting me and my son! You still allow him to call you 'Mom'; what, Emma's not good enough for you anymore?! The truth is that you love Henry too much to give him away again without breaking your own heart in the process, just as you loved Emma too much to make the sacrifices you would have had to make to keep him when Henry was a newborn! You truly are your mother's daughter; your promises mean nothing when honoring them will interfere with your own whims! I'm the one protecting Henry by not having you hauled back to prison for custodial interference and kidnapping! Henry would be working on his master's degree by the time you were even eligible for parole! But then, I'm willing to put aside my rights and my needs for Henry's happiness! I've forgotten more about protecting Henry than you're even capable of understanding much less have the strength to carry through with!" Regina growled, enraged at every word that fell from the blonde sheriff's lips.

Emma took a step back and considered her next words before she said something they'd both regret. She knew Regina had a point, but that point hurt like hot pokers, so Emma retreated to her immediate objective. "Look, your devotion to Henry isn't in question. I'm here about Paul; Jake plans to take custody of him, and the law says he has that right."

"The law also requires him to personally appear before a judge to claim that right, which as we've previously established, he can't do without having half his memories ripped away. That leaves me free to have the infant adopted. Really, I have tried everything I can think of to make this easier on Jake. I've listened to his frustration and pain and never fought back no matter how personal or cruel he became. I've even asked him to assist Henry and me in choosing the family to adopt, but he'd prefer to sulk and stir up resentment against me. That's his right too, I guess," Regina shrugged matter-of-factly, her previous rage dwindling.

"Regina, why are you so hell bent on seeing Paul adopted when Jake wants to keep him? He would probably sign away any right to child support, just to keep his son, so why not let him?" Emma asked, her skin nearly crawling off her bones with the sense of wrongness she felt at any child being given up when there was a loving parent around to raise them.

"Because I want the baby… Paul, to be happy, and a life surrounded by magic will steal any chance he has of that. I wasn't out of the hospital half an hour, not even 30 whole minutes, before Rumplestiltskin came sniffing around, asking about him. If I could I'd give him to Jake and walk off into the sunset with my Henry, but that's not possible. Even if I never changed a single diaper or helped him with his homework, to ensure his safety from magic, I'd have to diligently remain in the background of his life. As I explained to Henry at the hospital, Paul just isn't worth the effort for me," Regina explained, knowing this was unlikely the last time she'd have to do so.

"You know for someone who just lambasted me about choosing my own future over Henry when he was born, you're being quite hypocritical doing the exact same thing to Paul," Emma commented as she watched Ruby ring up Regina's catered tray.

"I never condemned your choice to put yourself first. You were a teenager with little education and a felony conviction on your record. You had little opportunity as it was without a baby in tow. My problem is with the way you allow Henry to believe you gave him away for selfless reasons. You have no problem parading my sins before him, but keep your own to yourself. I, however, just don't have the heart to tell him he was a burden to you back then, that your giving him away was a means of freeing yourself, not… how did he put it, giving him his best chance. That is where your hypocrisy lies, as well as my superiority as a mother. Good day, Miss Swan," Regina finished, picking up her paper bag and leaving the diner and a self ashamed Emma Swan.


	6. Chapter 6

Not Enough: Part 6

By Arianwen P.F. Everett

Regina attempted to straighten her son's tie, only to have her hand slapped away. "Mom, I got it!"

"I know, Sweetheart. It's just that I want us both to look our best for this lady. We want to put her at ease that Paul doesn't come from slobs," Regina commented, straightening her own shirt collar a bit as she searched her reflection for a flaw or smear of her make up.

"I don't get it. Shouldn't she be the one trying to impress us?" Henry asked, having done his research on the internet in preparation for these interviews. Everything he'd read told him that it was the adoptive parents who had to be nervous. They were the ones who had to prove themselves.

"To a certain degree, yes, but this woman is still a guest in our home and she comes from a good family. She wasn't raised in the gutter like Miss Swan. From what I've gathered through my private investigator, she's that rare combination of extremely wealthy and extremely generous. We have to put our best foot forward for Paul's sake and for our reputation as a family," Regina explained before heading to the guest room. Picking up the baby in question, she placed him in Henry's old carrier and brought him downstairs.

As soon as his mother placed the carrier down on the living room sofa, Henry bounded over and smiled brightly at the baby inside "Hey Paulie!"

Though his eyes met Henry's with a spark of excitement, the infant could only jerk and stick out his tongue in reply, drool slipping from the right side of his mouth.

Closing her eyes, Regina fought the conflicting feelings in her chest. On one hand, she couldn't help but be moved by the sight of them as Henry sat down beside the carrier and took Paul's fists onto his index fingers before moving them back and forth to make it appear as if the baby was dancing to some song only they could hear. Paul's presence made Henry happy. She'd tried so hard to make Henry happy and Paul just arrived and did it.

For a brief moment, Regina considered keeping the baby, if only as a means of ensuring Henry wouldn't retreat from her. Maybe they could make a deal; he'd voluntarily leave that piece of trash that gave birth to him and the baby would stay. As she'd recently reminded Archie, a baby was hard work and Henry would be too busy helping her tend to Paul to spend any time with his biological relatives. The two of them could rebuild their relationship and Henry would learn an invaluable skill in assisting in the care of an infant. As the weeks and months went by, his relationship with the Charmings, Rumplestiltskin, and Rumplestiltskin's spawn would wither on the vine as she and Paul became his whole world. It would be just like old times and maybe she'd grow to love Paul too.

But she knew that was a gamble she wasn't willing to make. If she didn't grow to love the baby, she'd effectively be giving him to Rumplestiltskin the way her mother's coldness had her, and Henry would figure it out long before then. Regina just wished he didn't take everything so personally. She wished he could see that her love for him was constant no matter where Paul grew up. She knew Paul's loss would be a major blow and she wanted nothing more than to comfort him, to be his mother through it all. "Henry, I need to…"

Suddenly the doorbell chimed and Regina sighed. Talking about her feelings was difficult enough, but even when she wanted to, with Henry at least, there never seemed to be a good time. Patting her son's shoulder, Regina stood, straightened her attire one final time, and went to answer the door.

The woman on the other side smiled broadly when she saw Regina. "Hi. I hate to disturb you, but I'm looking for the Mills residence."

"You've found it. That's us. Are you here about Paul?" Henry piped in as he joined Regina at the door.

"Paul? I don't know any Paul; I'm here to interview for an adoption," the woman stated in confusion.

"Oh yes, well the birth father put the name Paul on the birth certificate. Don't worry; it can be changed once he's with his real family," Regina explained quickly, wanting to put the woman at ease that she hadn't driven all the way out here for nothing.

"The birthfather is involved?" the woman asked wearily and Regina's previous worries about Jake's presence in the whole adoption resurfaced. Right now she needed to be honest and let the chips fall where they may. Jake was a part of this and not explaining where he stood would certainly discourage the woman from pursuing Paul further. Nobody wanted to set themselves up for loss if they could avoid it, and as Regina had learned in adopting Henry, a few extra thousand here and there gave you choices most potential adoptive parents didn't have. The woman could walk away and find another child. Regina was stuck with Paul until she found him a good home.

"Yes, unfortunately. He's not very happy with the situation, but he's coming to understand that he doesn't have the means to care for a baby on his own. I didn't sign up for this, and I refuse to be emotionally bullied into a lifelong commitment. I need my future back," Regina explained, watching the woman's face for signs of unease.

Thankfully, she nodded and smiled before offering Regina her hand. "Well, hopefully I can help you with that. My name's Sophia. Sophia Duvall."

"Regina, and this is my son, Henry," Regina introduced, then stepped aside to bid the woman enter.

Sophia looked around the Mills mansion and what she saw confused her. This woman was not what she was used to. "It's a pleasure to meet you both. I am a bit surprised though. The four other birthmothers I've interviewed with weren't as…"

"Old?" Henry assumed, knowing that most women who placed babies up for adoption were like Emma had been when she'd given him up for adoption, teenagers, or at least very young women.

"I was going to say well off, but yes, your mom is older than any of the others. That's a positive though. She's in a better position to know herself and understand the consequences of her actions," Sophia answered diplomatically. She was the daughter and granddaughter of successful diplomats; at least her family had given her one thing she could be proud of.

"You'd be surprised," Henry replied bitterly.

"Henry!" Regina jumped in surprise. Now she was worried. Henry was planning something. She didn't know what but his wheels were turning. She should have expected it, but she'd been so sure their relationship had been mending these past two years, that he was over his intentionally hurting her because she'd once been the Evil Queen. The blow was harsh, but she'd suffered worse, and she knew how to suck it all up when it counted.

"It's alright. I have nieces and nephews. I know children say whatever comes into their heads. It's not a problem," Sophia replied. She could see the boy was on the defensive. He obviously wasn't happy with the adoption and was attempting to make his mother look bad. She felt for him, but she had always wanted a son and this woman, Regina looked intent and clear eyed about the matter, far more so than the younger, more desperate birth mothers she'd met in the past. That reassured Sophia enough to proceed, ignoring the boy's less-than-subtle misbehavior.

"That's a very dismissive attitude you have towards kids. Are you sure you want to adopt Paul?" Henry asked, thinking himself clever and hoping his argument would eventually sway the woman that Paul was just not the baby for her. He'd used a very adult word in 'dismissive' and he knew he'd used it correctly.

"I'm sorry if you misinterpreted, but I promise you I didn't intend to dismiss your concerns. I was only speaking from my experience with children your age. As for my desire to adopt Paul, I've been looking to adopt a baby for some time now, and I'm honored to be considered by yourself and your mother." Sophia defended, wanting to show the young man before her that she meant no harm, but that she wasn't going to be run off.

"See Henry, Ms. Duvall meant no harm by it. She only wants a chance to adopt Paul and make him part of her family," Regina explained, gently squeezing her son's shoulder in an attempt to calm him.

Henry sulked a few moments as his mother returned to her mayor mode before approaching her and the woman who'd entered their home. "I don't see why you want me here if you're not going to listen to anything I have to say. I'm going to Granny's for a burger."

"Wait! Henry, wait!" Regina called out, chasing her son before he could even make it to the foyer.

"What?!" Henry grumbled in exasperation, fed up with his mother's attempts to sugar coat everything for him.

"Henry, I need you to understand, whether you like it or not, this is going to happen. Paul is going to be adopted at some point and he's going to go away with his new mother. I love you, but I can't keep this baby merely to please you! Don't you want him to have a real home, with a real mom? Don't you want him to be happy?!" Regina asked, needing her son to understand.

"Yes, but I want to be his brother too! Please don't send Paul away!" Henry finally broke down crying into Regina's dress.

"God, I wish you didn't have to hurt like this; I never wanted you to hurt like this, but I'm stuck, Henry. I'm truly stuck. I can't keep Paul; it wouldn't be fair to him, but I terrified of loosing you. I just don't know how to make us both happy. Please understand, I'm trying the best I can," Regina pulled her son closer, the pain he was in clawing at her heart. When she'd been young, all she'd wanted was some control over her future. So believing her son needed that same feeling of control, she'd tried to bring Henry into the adoption process, to give him some sense that he wasn't merely a bystander but an active player in getting Paul to the family that would love him. Perhaps that had been poor judgment on her part.

"I know you're trying, but it still hurts! I can't do this, Mom! I can't help send Paul away! I promise I won't be mean to you for doing it, but I just can't! Please Mom, let me go to Granny's! I can't stick around like this!" Henry begged, his tears subsiding as he looked up into his mother's eyes. It was bizarre. When he was little the distance was so far he had to tilt his head all the way back. Now, he barely raised his chin and he felt further away than ever. He was beginning to realize that he would never truly know his mom, Regina Mills, but that he could love her without understanding her. He had to.

"Okay. If it makes you better able to handle this, go to Granny's. I can do the interview alone. Do you want me to tell you about it later or would you rather not?" Regina asked, relenting. Henry didn't want control here and she'd respect that. He frequently did things she knew she would never relate to, but that pleased her. He was generally happy and optimistic; only with Daniel had she ever been allowed to be that way. She was a good mother. She gave him the freedom to be happy.

"No, you can tell me over breakfast. I mean, you said you would interview all four applicants, not just give Paul away overnight, right?" Henry confirmed, knowing his mother's attempts to let him help were her way of showing him that she respected his opinion.

"Right. I won't make any final decision before telling you. I promise," Regina vowed, giving Henry one final squeeze before letting go of him.

Half a minute later she was alone with Sophia Duvall. "So, would you like some freshly made apple cider?"


	7. Chapter 7

Authoress' Note: I know this is short and has taken longer than usual, but I had trouble with the writing and getting the story to go where I needed it to.

Not Enough: Part 7

By Arianwen P.F. Everett

Regina groaned as she slowly regained consciousness. The pounding in her head produced both nausea and pain, leaving her confused as to what was going on. Suddenly, Emma Swan's face swam into her field of vision. "What…"

"Easy. Easy. Don't try to move. The ambulance is on its way. Henry came back and found you here. He's fine, but badly shaken. Luckily I hadn't pulled out of the driveway when he screamed," Emma explained to the confused woman who looked like she was only half returned to the land of the living.

As the seconds ticked by, Emma prayed that Regina hadn't suffered any brain damage from the attack. Unfortunately, Regina's guest, the woman Henry had called Miss Duvall, no longer had a pulse. Suddenly Emma realized that she didn't know where Baby Paul was. "Regina, stay with me. Regina, where's Paul?"

"I don't know. I was talking to Ms. Duvall about … education… everything went black... was so quick," Regina slurred, finding it hard to focus. She could feel tendrils of sleep threatening but she knew enough to force herself to stay awake.

"Damn! We have to find him!" Emma shouted, jumping to her feet and grabbing her walkie talkie.

"No! You can't leave Henry! Protect Henry!" Regina howled, her arm attempting to reach out to Emma of its own accord, an action which set her choking from the exertion. With Emma's help she turned her head and vomited just as the paramedics arrived and started examining her.

"Henry will be safe with David; Paul may not be," Emma insisted once she could get close enough to the stricken woman.

As the paramedics tried to move Regina onto a board to take her to the ambulance, she held them back to speak to Emma. "Protect Henry. He's the only thing that matters… "

Just as Regina lost consciousness once again, the paramedics pushed Emma aside and steered the board that had converted into a gurney towards the entrance of the Mills Mansion. As Emma watched, the unease in her stomach grew. She hadn't really believed it until now, but Regina truly didn't care what happened to the baby she'd given birth to a few days ago. Grant it, she was trying to do the right thing for him, but in the end everything boiled down to Henry for Storybrooke's mayor, and a large part of Emma hated her for it.

Emma had agonized over giving Henry up, but Regina was right. It had been her only chance to save herself, so she'd given him away and taken her chance. Regina had so much. She had a gorgeous home, financial resources galore, magic to protect her family, and experience raising a little boy. In short, she had everything Emma had lacked when Henry was born, and yet she felt nothing for Paul and saw him as refuse to be thrown away.

Suddenly it hit Emma why she was so upset. Regina's attitude was exactly the mindset she'd once believed to have been her parents when they'd left her on the side of the freeway as a newborn. All those years in foster care, she'd fought so hard to retain hope that it had been a mistake. She'd envisioned her own morbid brand of fairytale where her parents had been running from the mob and been caught, dragged into the woods, and killed, their last thoughts of their new baby and the love they had for her. She preferred that idea to that they saw her as trash.

Now she knew the truth; she'd always been unimaginably loved, but the pain still lingered. Paul really was unloved by his mother, but Emma would save him. She was the savior. That's what she did.

First she had to keep Henry from freaking as the boy saw his mother's unconscious body wheeled out on a gurney. Abandoning the police car without a moment's hesitation for his own safety, Henry ran towards the paramedics. "Mom! What's wrong with my mom?!"

"Let go, Kid! We need to get her to the hospital!" the paramedic ordered gruffly as Emma pulled Henry back so they could load Regina onto the ambulance.

"What's happened?! What's wrong with her?!" Henry cried out, flailing against Emma's firm grip.

"She was attacked, Henry. The paramedics need to get her to Dr. Whale so that he can figure out how best to help her. Look. David is already on his way. As soon as he gets here, you two can follow Regina to the hospital. I promised your mom I'd keep you safe, but Paul's missing. Whoever did this to Regina took him and I have to find him," Emma explained, trying to calm her son down and explain the situation in terms he'd understand.

"She's going to be alright, right?" Henry asked, the fear in his voice breaking Emma's heart.

"You're mom's a fighter. You know that," Emma insisted, not wanting to make promises, but needing to give Henry hope. She had no idea what neurological damage had been done to Regina or if it was permanent. Only a physician could tell them that. Thankfully the curse had given the town a hospital with trained staff.

Henry was about to reply when David and Mary Margaret sped up to the curb in his pick up truck, shooting questions at Emma through their rolled down windows before they had even stepped into the open air. "What happened? Is Henry safe? What's going on?"

"Regina was interviewing one of the women who want to adopt Paul when they were attacked. The woman, a Miss Duvall, was killed instantly. Regina has a head injury, probably a concussion, and she's on her way to Storybrooke General. Paul is missing, so I need you two to get Henry to the hospital, while I figure out who took him," Emma reported, trying to give as much information as quickly as she could.

Seeing her husband about to protest, Mary Margaret put a hand against his shoulder and spoke. "Ofcourse, we'll take Henry to the hospital. Do you have any leads?"

Remembering her earlier conversation with Regina at Granny's, Emma had a direction. "Yeah, I do. Thanks to something Regina said this afternoon, I'm off to see a pawnbroker about a missing baby."

"Then I'm going with you. Mary Margaret can take Henry to the hospital, but I'm your deputy and Gold is dangerous," David insisted.

With time of the essence, Emma could only nod and led her father to their squad car.


End file.
